I'm so sick if all of this. It's tiring. I'm so worn out from it all. I'm so mentally worn out that nothing seems to make sense or be right anymore.

I want everything to work out. Oh so badly do I want this and days like today make me feel like they won't. I don't like these kinds of days because then it gives me doubts. You shouldn't ever have doubts. I don't want doubts. Maybe this is why it's been said that I live in a "happy little bubble where everything works out right," because it is what I want to happen. I want things to be positive.

I'm so tired of being caught in the middle and feeling like I have to defend everyone else. I cant speak for anyone else but myself and now, I believe, I'm even having troubles speaking for myself because everyone else is stuck in my head.

I keep being told that it's really about me and my decisions and what makes me happy. I don't even know what makes me happy anymore. And then, if I try to say what I think or express something that I want, I'm talked over and/or am told that it was someone else's thought.

I just want to be understood and be given support. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently so.

I'm not in the best of moods tonight, so I'm not going to pretend like I am. And everything I feel like ranting about, I'll rant about no matter how much sense it doesn't make.

I wish everyone would stop pretending like they know things. About me or my life. No one really knows because no one ever cares to ask me.

I'm irritated by the fact that I feel utterly trapped. With no car and no job to get me a car, I can't go anywhere or do anything. Because of this, I sit at home and stare at the walls. I don't have the motivation to even keep myself occupied with a craft or reading. Nothing has been in my interests as of late and this, too, is irritating.

There's nothing more I've wanted to do, recently, then talk to someone I genuinely care about. It's unfortunate that every time we do get to chat, it's cut short because one person caught the other person at bad time. I haven't gotten a chance to actually talk with this person in a while and there are things that I would love to sit and chat about; important things, for that matter. I just want to have the time to express these things because they are of great importance to the near future.

Sometimes I worry about myself. I worry that I'm too much of a follower to certain people. Those people are people who are of great importance to me, so I guess it makes sense, but there are so many times where I need to stick up for myself and put myself first. I rarely do with these few people. And I, just like they do, need to realize that I should come before them.. Although, I don't think they know I've fallen under this weird power they have over me..

I think I'm going to start updating this more. I think I'll be able to keep things off my chest. Because even if no one out there will listen to me, I can still always write about it.